world

when the world is filled with happiness, everything is better. You feel better, you look better, and you yourself are better. why can't the world be filled with happiness? why can't people just be better? questions fill my mind, searching and longing for this answer. But unfortunately, I believe that it will never be answered. Or my life long dream for the world to be filled with happiness will ever come to pass. Doubt fills my brain and my heart. millions of souls are loosing hope, and loosing faith. I want to be someone who brings them up from the water. I want to be there when they feel bliss and happiness. I want to be there when the world experiences happiness together in a moment of unity and strength. I will make a difference and help those in need. I will be better. And I wont have to question or fill my self with doubt ever again.

unicorns live.

I want to be able to speak, not think, but SPEAK. speak what is currently on my mind. What I know and how I feel. But people take things too harshly and get offended by the dumbest things. People will never grow up, never learn to be an adult. They will always be drama and will always be too prideful in themselves. I just wish I understood why people would want to be in that state of mind ALL of the time. It is incomprehensible to me. Just live and be free.

Elmo's world

"Take me for who I am, who I was meant to be"

one of my all time favorite quotes. It just can mean so much in such little length of words. This one tiny phrase tells me how to live my life and how to except others.

I know that I can read too far into things, and that I can be a bit strange, but I just want my friends to know that I love them and that I love being around them. You guys except me for my quirkiness and my oddness. I never want to loose touch with you guys. You 4 are awesome and teach me so many things...I think we teach other so many things.

I want to tell eachother about the cake we made or tasted without any judgment and regrets.

I love you! SO EFFING MUCH!

many colors

I am a person of many colors, but sometimes those colors mesh together to try to blend in.

twilight before christmas

hahah I found this earlier today. It is just to get people in the christmas mood.

The dancers

This is a video I have been meaning to post on here. Justin is SO hillarious. Him and I are on first name basis right now. He and I have long chats on the phone about life struggles and how he likes to golf instead of sing now. But whatev, atleast I can watch im make a complete hillarious fool of himself everyday with this HILLARIOUS video.

Don't eat yellow snow

I am EXCITED for the holiday that I love most to come! The season of joy of love of faith of comfort, GAH! It is just a great way to feel close to the family. hahaaa. Fer realz yo, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. I don't mean to sound cliche, but it truly is. Everyone just seems to be nicer to me, when they are not shopping for the "perfect" present. which that shouldn't really matter, all that should matter is that you are surrounded by the people that mean the most. But people have lost the real and true meaning of Christmas, they are so lost in the material things that they forgot the reasons why we celebrate this wonderful time. We celebrate it because the most influential human being was born into the world. The person the reason why we are here on this earth. He sacrificed everything for us to be here, but people loose sight of that fact, and don't care. But all I know, is that do.

rum and coke

Friends are my vice. They are the people that I can rely on to make me happy, and to get me out of my "dark place". Over the weekend I got to have alone time with my 4 girls that mean the world to me.

Tay: beautiful, outgoing, wonderful, and a joy to be around.Brittany: gullible, amazing, genuine, and plain-old fantastic. Alyssa: kind-hearted, trusting, sarcastic, and all around gorgeous.

And Rachel: doggy-sounding, deep, down to earth, and never forgets who she is.

If pictures could talk this one would have a thousands word...



These girls make me proud of who I am. We don't party hardy and all the wild crazy stuff, but we do get high on love every time we are with each other. We know what we want and we know how to keep our priorities straight.


I'm a large marge, and can't fit into cars.


We celebrated Britt's birthday together. It was fun, and crazy cold/scary. Brittany and I were tragically bailed on by people(who will remain anonymous) when a dog nearly killed us! sad day, but the past is behind us and that is all that matters...even if they will burn in HADES!

At least Rachel showed to eat all of the brownies at the last hour :D.

buddy the elf

As the time passes, I am left with only hope and faith for the future. I feel that I am here for something beyond my expectations. Not knowing exactly what is to come, but just knowing that something will. Something that will make me the person I was born and meant to be. I sit and feel that it will soon happen. I feel someone telling me that I am more than ordinary, I am Extraordinary. I am so happy for my faith in god and everything that he is worth. He is my anchor in the dark, the light of my life, my everything. He sent everyone of us down here for a reason. He has expectations for all of us to fulfill and to make a title of. I am not going to waste my life away just sitting and waiting. I am going to lavish my life by doing and making.

We are born to make a difference and rise above everyone else.

Life Life Life

yesterday was the day of many adventures. Unfortunately I will have to take make a following post of what happened in the night. Anyways, I skateboarded to the parks with my cuz Justus which was basically Ridic..ulously amazing!! hahaha and then chillaxed outside fer surely. My brotha took a ride in his beanerific truck and made himself lean like a chollo around the block. My family is loaded with a bunch of characters that is fer sure. We never seem to care what others think about us. We just chill and act like a bunch of crazies! hahaaha I love hanging with my 13 yr old cousin Tristan He can make me laugh all of the time. We sit and quote movies together, and just Party hardy. hahaha

I'm So happy for the HOLIDAYS! I can Hangout and be myself with the people that mean the world to me!

soon, oh so soon

So, what would you do if the world stopped spinning? Or if you only had few hours left in your life?

well I would stop and stare at Robert Pattinson aka MY LOVER!!!!!

This man, and all of his holiness, is the man of my dreams. He can act, sing, play piano, and remain sexy. The other night as I lay awake, he came to me in a vision of bliss. He told me that we will one day wed, and have beautiful perfect children and everyone will envy our pure god like lives.

KNOWING

knowing who you are is an all time important thing to have on hand. I am so happy that I KNOW who I am. That I KNOW what I am meant to do. I just feel that sometimes others just don't KNOW who I am.

1. I am the person that wants to make a difference.
2. The person that is not afraid to speak her mind.
3. The one that will stick up for someone else.
4. The person that cries when someone makes fun of little kids...Brittany.
5. The person who dresses to impress? hahaha j/k
6. The girl who sticks out.
7. The one to make you laugh. or atleast try.
8. The one to hide in corners just to scare someone.
9. The one with a calling.
10. Someone with a purpose.

I KNOW who I am. Do you?

wish

I love that I still believe that shooting stars have secret magical powers that can accomplish anything. Shooting stars are my anchor that help me see a light when times are hard: they are the antidote to my deepest and darkest fears. They help me remember that I have somebody watching over me and that I will never be alone. I have wished upon many a stars, and all consist of the same and hopeful wish that has yet to come true, but I know that someday it will. I can just feel it in my bones. It seems on my roughest days I will always see a star flutter across the sky, letting me know that it has not forgotten me and my request.

...I hope that in due time my wish will come true. But I have faith that it will all be okay, and I won't be afraid to move on.

BOYS!

so basically I have nothing to report other than I am a lover of celebrities and their ability to make me sAlivate over them. UGH! I must say, I have a mental disability or something, because every 2.5 seconds I have a new lover that I want to pounce on and lick...yes LICK! but whatev, I am pretty sure that any girl my age acts the same way . Sometimes I get a little out of hand though. Like last year I had this EXTREMELY attractive teacher and I wrote him a note asking him if i could LICK him. It is basically ridic this disease that I have hahahahah. but I do love these boys!

Love

Love is in every person. It is just natural to love someone.

I have recently come to the terms that all of us have and will once be "crazy in love". but when exactly will we all experience it?and how will it feel to be in such a state of mind? we all just have to wait for our time to truly understand and to fully get a grasp on such a sacred thing. sometimes, I get scared to picture me love lost and head over hills. But most of the time, I seriously cannot wait to meet the man of my dreams. To feel what they write down in books and what you see in movies. To have that guy that will do anything just to see you smile, and to have that ONE guy that you will do anything for in return. It will just be natural to love this one person, and get lost in the moment every time we kiss, and to never get tired of those butterflies that never cease when ever we touch.

... this is the love that i dream for, the love that is running through every inch of my bones.

thinking...

There is always something in the way, always something getting through. Sometimes ignorance rings truth, but hope is not in what I know, its not in me...its all I know. I find peace in when I am confused and I find hope when I am let down. I hope to loose myself for good and I hope to find it in the end, not in me, but in you.

hope is what keeps us going on, but love is what keeps us alive.

This week(end)

so basically I arrived back in Arizona for good. I am still going through the typical,"I hope it was the Right choice" phase. But I realize that it is a choice that will help me figure out what I want. I did have a fantabulous weekend and thus far in this week. I got my truck tires rotated, got a job, and then traded my truck for my sister ghetto-licious car haahaha. Anyways, marci and I partied hardy yesterday with the camera. lets just say, that when we were little, my mother dropped us on the head a couple...or a few times. hahaha well I don't have much to say other than whatev with Halloween, and the day after. they were pretty much the lamest of all days. although I did hang out with jota, Courtney, Chelsea, and Gabbi for a while. we watched grease and it was bomb diggity fer surely.

last night I had a hella long conversation with my good friend aslan. We saw changeling together. That movie was so amazing! UGH! i couldn't believe what the cops did just to protect their status under wraps. I also convoed with Alyssa an BRITTANY! I miss them alot. I wish they would of saw me this weekend. They BOTH were here for a long while, well Brittany was. But they are lame faces fer sure! well that is basically it.

I want to thanks my grandma and grandpa for putting up with me though. They helped so much with my stay in Utah and I love them so much. I don't know what I would do with out them.

cuppy cake!

this basically mader my LIFE!

ugh...

I am so mad right now...

Today is another frump day. I feel like I have gained a million bazillion pounds! Ugh! I hate this feeling. The thing is, although I feel this way, I can still fit into all of my clothes? what is the matter with me?!

Anyways. Today is my last day here in utah, well sort of I am leaving tomorrow at night. But I like to tell myself that TODAY is my last day here. lol

Well, life is life. Although we sometimes wish that our life tasted like the cereal, we know that we can never expect the outcomes that we long for.

seriouslyl, why did I have to use a food analogy to describe life?! Alyssa I curse you for putting this Horrible spell on me. WHAT did I ever do to you... Besides making you cry in kindergarten and second grade. We both know that you were a little bit of a WIMP! hahaaha

I like to make your day so here is a WONDERFUL video that you will love. It is about a boy who will do anything to get what he wants in life...

CLEDENCE! I am going to get my hairs DID.

My hair is going through a major awkward stage right now. It is getting to the point where I want to take a shank to it. It is at the stage of its life where it is in between getting long and is still short... or how I like to call it, puberty. It is trying to figure out what it wants in life, if it should be curly or straight. You see, the hairs is a very curious thing. It likes to be straight but sometimes it gets confused and realizes it likes curly things. And then it realizes curly hair is shunned by society. They are even having a proposition against it...hahahaha J/K you know where I was going with this.
but fer seriousness, My hair looks like this. and yes thats ME teaching math. I have let my self go that is fer sure.

WHY YOU LEAVE ME?

You know how words just fly out from random thoughts ? Well that is how it is everyday of MY life

Today at work, I just sat there with a pen in my hand and let my disease do the talking.

You think you know my every flaw, my every thought, and my every withdrawl.

but the truth of the matter is that you don't know me at all.

Sure, you have seen me on some of my worst and weakest of days,

but you know not why I felt that way.

You lied, you cheated, you stole.

And you thought it was all no big deal.

You are blinded by your addictions, and you believe there are no subsitutions.

But I have news for you that you need to take in consideration.

I know that it is going to be hard,

but I have faith that you will go the distance.

Shut out your doubts and take one giant leap.

Don't focus too much on your faults,

know that you are worth more.

Don't worry and you will go far.

It hurts me to see you go away from your true self.

And that is why I boxed myself away so I couldn't reveal.

Torment and a deceit that you so much filled,

only made me want to leave with water to be spilled.

You flooded my thoughts with pain and sorrows,

So I only wish that in due time, it will all be swallowed.

I love you so much and that is why I didn't leave.

You needed my help so I couldn't deceive.

Please try to get better that is all I ask...

Pretty soon this will all be in the past.

Get well soon and I know we will both be under the moon.

I love you.

And that is all you truly need to know.

I have no idea where this all came from so please don't come to any unrational conclusions

Won't you be the one?

I have a serious disease...

I have a problem that concerns me and SHOPPING!

I need the doctor to look at my heart and my head to see if this "disease" can be fatal.

I don't want to die, I mean I am only 19.

I have SO much to live for.

Flying kites. Smelling roses. Looking at my beautiful self in the mirror.

I HAVE SO MUCH TO GIVE!

AYE DIOS MIO! PORQUE? PORQUE YO!?!

shoot me in the foot and write my name with my heart!

hahaha j/k... I am just sort of a loser

Still the sun sets.

When the sun sets, the moon rises, and when the moon sets, still the sun will rise. It is an on going cycle. No matter what happens in life or in the world, that concept will never change. It is a relief to know that no matter what happens, or what ever I may go through and see, I can wake up to the beauty of the sun, and walk underneath the light of the moon. Just having that gives me a sense of faith and trust in myself that is hard to explain.

The moon and the sun tell a parable of life... of no matter what happens, we must still go on. Even though the sun and the moon may have days were the clouds cover them and let them hide from the world. They are still there bringing enough light to lead us the way: They will never leave us behind. We just have to have faith and trust in ourselves to make the next step, and know that no matter what, we still have the moon and the sun to lead us to our next destination.

what the EF david blaine?!

to sum up who i am, i have a few details that not many people know.

I am terrified of the dark. I am afraid that if I step to close to the edge of the darkest corner, a monster will bite my foot off.

I hate the smell of cough syrup. Just the image of me sniffing the lid or the top of the container makes me gag.

I love the colors of autumn. They make me feel beautiful.

I HATE the way cowboys dress. Not the sexy cowboys with their shirts off and their perfectly built bods. But the ones with their striped long sleeved button up shirts and their spurs and their ugly half gallon hats. They literally make me cringe and hide in corners. GAH!

I love it wen the guy in films looks into the girls eyes and can see her entire self.

I get embarrased for charcters in movies. I will blush for them, and I will skip forward so I don't have to watch them make a COMPLETE tard of themselves.

I talk to my self in the mirror. I am my own best friend.

I dream of meeting the jonas brothers and having them fight over me.

I want to be on broadway.

Sometimes I wish that it was easier for me to say "hi" to the sexiest men of all time. But I can't. I just write notes telling them that I want to lick them.

I write my own music.

I tell my self that one day I will be considered beautiful by someone. Just not right now.

Ocassionally I am afraid of looking in the mirror.

I hum to myself when I get scared, angry, dissapointed, or heartbroken. My voice is my comfort.

I am afraid of dying alone. But lets face it. that will never happen.

I am my own worse enemy.

I have great family and friends. and I love them all very MUCHO!

I hate it when people use their race, their status, and their weakness as an excuse.

Sometimes I judge to quickly... who doesn't.

I LOVE music and everything that comes with it.

I want to join the peace corps and make a difference. or just make a difference with what I have and who I am.

I love chuck norris and that he as the ability to slam revolving doors.

These are just a few things about me that I wanted to share with you. I am who I am, and you are who you are.

the end

These scenes are one of my favorites in the entire world. Even though they are actors, I can feel every passion and every peice of love that they had for eachother.

Theres a party in my tummy...

So yummy, so yummy.

Basically I love Grapes! They are seriously like jesus doing the macarana on my taste buds FER SURELY! I know that it may seem kind of ridic, but you don't know the flavor of home grown grapes. They are the angels of the vines. lol This is basically the most useless blog ever. But I seriously just had to tell every one about this heaven that I found.

Anyways, in a week I should be coming home (well actually a week and 2 days). My friends in utah are majorly depressed, but whatev. You can't please everyone.

Tonight, Alyssa, Brittany, Taylor, and Rachel all will be rockin' it without me. :[ :[ BOOO!

I Love you guys!!!!!!

GREY'S ANATOMY!

Woop Woop fer sure!

Basically tonight is my favorite night eva! It is a night filled fantastic meanings of life.

It is the night of grey's anatomy and UGLY BETTY! ugh!basically I love thursdays.

TODAY work was LAME as usaul, but whatev. I seriously wanted to shank customers. Some people just grew up with no manners at all! I think people still believe we live in the stone age where all you had to do was bop people in the head to get what you wanted. But I have news for those LOSERS... WE DON'T live in the EFFING stone age anymore. WE LIVE IN america! DUH!

P.s. this is a quote for you to think about. " underneath the clothes is a man, and underneath the man is his nucleus" -nacho libre

rushing waters

Today was basically a BOMB day. I went out and explored.

My grandparents and I drove up to Heber, Utah and looked at my relatives headstones.

I saw my Great great great great grandmothers. She was originally from sweden and treked clear across the country. She left her house, her family, and every thing she owned behind just for her faith. That, to me, is one of the most powerful things that I have ever heard. She sacrificed everything.

I don't know how she did it. I don't think many people today would ever do such a thing, leave everything behind. It would take a strong heart to do anything like that. But imagine the world if every being had that great amount of faith and courage to conquer anything. Cross clear from New York to Utah with only a hand cart to carry your food, and have only yourself and your daughter to push along through your darkest of fears... The world would be filled with heroes.

I love learning about people from the past. They had it so much harder than us. They sacrificed so many things just to protect their families, just to put food on their table, and just for their faith. Yet, today people don't do anything of the sort. Many people rely on the goverment to take care of them. They don't try, They have no ambition. And that makes me sad.

the ones that sacrificed are the ones that built our country. They are the foundation of the world. I just wish people would come and realize that. But, the world is filled with hate and deceit. I only hope that there will be more changes so that my kids won't have to grow in such a state of mind. I guess we will have to see. See what is to come, and only hope for a better tomorrow.

... P.s. this totally doesn't stick on the same topic but whatev.

here is a better thing to end the day with. and something that is more on my terms of personality...

meow mix meow mix please deliver.

when I was little I would dream of becoming saved and have the prince of my dreams take me out into the sunset and live happily ever after. But quite frankly I am beginning to think that that will never happen to me.





I am not saying that I want to get married or anything (yet), but what I am trying to say is that I need to give people a chance. My Biznatchness needs to simmer down, and I need to take a leap into the world of dating and finding a match... Oh Em Gee! haaa hahah I sound like a complete tard face!





idk, I have so many things planned out in my life. I want to experience all those, but I also need to just realize that all of us need to grow up and come to the realization that we all have those certain people that are by our sides through thick and thin, and will never ever leave us. And usually those are the boys that get us through that.



UGH! I thought I knew who I was. I thougt that I knew EXACTLY what I wanted in life. I thought that I had every step, every move, and every mistake planned out on the map. I was wrong. I don't know every step, every move, or every mistake. I just have to live life not knowing what will happen, not knowing what to do next.



I think that doing so really shows who you are. It shows that you have faith in your self. That you are not afraid of living your own story. I think that once you come to those terms, you really learn to show your true character, and that is beautiful.

SNOW!

This morning at like 12:30, I called up alyssa and made her talk to me while I drove home. It was basically RIDIC! snow was bluring my vision, and I almost died...a little over reaction lol.

but seriously! I love the snow. it may seem strange, but I believe the snow makes you feel warmer. I don't know, it is hard to explain. just the image of people cozing up to a fire, and sipping hot cocoa just makes me feel warm.






I can't wait to go home and party hardy with my friends. I only fear what people may think or say about my choice. I just know that I am making the right one. My dad and mom have already done enough for me, and I don't want them to have to pay an arm and a leg to get me through college. I know in my heart and in my mind that this is the correct way for me to go. I just hope and pray that others will see it the same way that I do. And if they don't, then whatev david blaine.


Anyways, I watched 27 dresses, and let me tell you, I love the corky and the cliche-ness of it.


JAMES MARSDEN is one major lickable man. I seriously just want him so I can taste him on top of my ice cream lol hahahaha! if you haven't seen, then do it! you wont regret it. let me just leave you with this last image of why you SHOULD see it.







Mmmmm GOOD! hahahaha

basically...

This is my first blog EVA! I don't even really know why I am even making one. well maybe it is because I am a major FOLLOWER! lol just kidding. But fer surely I think that it was because of britt and alyssa. they have one and I decided that inorder for me to be cooler than them i have to get one, because everyone knows I am a VAMP!

ahahahaa! but I really really miss them! they are my best friends, and I don't know what I would do with out them. they are the sickest chicks ever. I seriously don't think anyont should go this long without seeing your friends for so effing long. I feel as if ricky bobby tore out my heart and made tom cruise put some VOODOO power on it. oh well, we all have to grow old.

but the good news, is that I am coming home to AZ to go to thatcher with Brittany! woop woop fer sure! it should be pretty bomb I guess. hopefully I will get to meet the sweetest bomb diggity BANANA boy. hahaha sorry alyssa.

the other night I hung out with my cousin Mycol, and we dressed up as prostitutes. but before you go all judgmental on us, we did it because we are better than you will ever be.lol it was pretty amazing.