meggs academy

I need to learn to live my life how it was meant to be...

2011-11-12T11:06:00.000-08:00

I hate reflecting. I hate looking in the past at what use to be. I feel that every time I sit and reflect I get this uncontrollable urge to cry. I miss us. I miss everything that was good between us. I know that nothing will ever be the same, and I hate that. We were best friends. We talked about everything and nothing. I wish that you would call me and see how I am doing, but unfortunately, I doubt that will ever happen. Even if it did, I am sure that it wouldn't be the same. Distance is the only thing that we share. Distance is what keeps us apart. It is probably for the better, but it still hurts.

God only knows what we are fighting for

2011-09-16T01:11:00.000-07:00

thoughts that mean nothing.

these words were something that I truly believed. Why? I have no idea. any thought that comes into my mind always means something, especially now. I have been doing a lot of thinking these pass few weeks and every thought has been leading me closer and closer to reuniting with myself. I have never felt more content and happy with the choices that I have been making. I am striving to make a difference. Not with the world (yet) but with myself. I realized, that in order for me to find true and beautiful happiness I need to be undeniably happy with MYSELF.

Someone once told me that true happiness is only found within yourself, within your heart, and within your soul. If I only listened the first time, I wouldnt have been lost. But I am glad that I have found the rod, and this time I am holding onto it, Holding tight and heeding forward.

I throw my hands up in the air.

2011-09-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever just looked at yourself in the mirror and notice every flaw, every imperfection, and every experience. From just one hard look at yourself you can recognize and reflect everything that has come in and out of your life. It is crazy to think that in a month I will be 22. It is crazy to even think that I have been living on this earth for that long already. I can look look straight and deep into my eyes and reflect on one of my most cherished and oldest memories. I can remember going with my grandmother to go see my mom after having my twin brothers. I remember clasping on to her hand and walking through the hospital doors and just being in complete and utter awe at the sight of that, what seem to be, huge palace. I will never forget that. I can look at my face, my skin, my cheeks and be exceedingly grateful for the beauty that has been bestowed upon me. I can look at my face and flash back to the night when I had to see my sister in one of her most horrific states. Screaming and bloody, lost and confused. Never again do I want to go through anything like that ever again. Never again do I want to see someone that important and that dear to me, ever go through that much pain and suffering. The face, it can tell a lot about a person, it is the passage into our souls. The story book of our life time.

2010-08-17T11:58:00.001-07:00

Life is life. I haven't blogged about anything in so long it is almost sad. Actually it is VERY sad. I just haven't really had the time. Welp, I've got a new house, I've got lots of new friends, and I've gotten new goals and determinations. I am so glad that i live in a life that I can just have fun and look past the complications that arise in it. I came home this week just for a brief visit with the fam. I forgot how much I miss my family and the craziness of them. I can not believe how big my little nieces and nephews have gotten. It is so weird growing up and missing out on so much. I never thought that I could ever grow up and be independent. But It is working out.

Bella Mae

2009-12-23T22:36:00.000-08:00

she is just the cutest darn thing that anyone has ever seen. she is a week already and she is just such a blessing to this beloved and excited family. Just look at her! She is perfect, this Bella Mae of ours.

RUDOLPH AND DECEMBER

2009-12-02T11:12:00.000-08:00

I am so Glad that I am in an apartment that loves Christmas as much as I do. Last night my roommates and I just decided to DECK out our apartment in Christmas gear. It has to be the most legit apartment in the complex. Seriously. Snowed windows, Christmas tree. Ornaments from our ceiling, a Christmas wrapped door. It is just so beautiful. I LOVE it So much. I just love this time of the year...AND to top it all off, this semester is almost completely finished. NO more chemistry, no more biology YESSSS!!!!! except I will be taking Microbiology and Biology 201 next, but NO MORE CHEMISTRY! that is seriously the best part. I will miss Dr. Neary though, He is a very good teacher and he makes me laugh a lot. OH tis the season or good feelings! I love it right now!

HMMMMM...

2009-11-29T21:47:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there was a girl. A smart, young, talented, beautiful girl. She was afriad to take a chance. A chance that may change her world forever. She can do anything that she puts her heart to, but for some reason this one thing, this one decision, she could not come to the terms to make a move. Why can she just not be afraid to do something, to just go out and experience that one thing. To show emotion and faith in this ONE journey. Was it because she is scared to actually LOVE something that she isn't really use to loving. To HOLD on to something and to really commit? Who knows. I guess that she will have to learn for herself. I guess that she will have to go out in the world and just actually TRY something that she isn't really accustomed to. She has the strength, she has the passion, she has the will... all she has to do is just go OUT and TRY: EXPERIENCE THE NEW!

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!

2009-11-20T07:54:00.001-08:00

This is what I do sometimes. I go and dance outside, I play dress up, I am just a "special" girl. School has been SO good this semester. Even though sometimes I get stressed out of my mind, This is usually the outcome that I have when I need to cool my self down. I basically love life at this moment!

somethings change...so deal.

2009-08-01T22:18:00.000-07:00

Over the last semester at E.A and over the summer I have realized that some of me has changed, and I have learned quite a bit about myself.

I am no longer that grossed out about Cowboys. Yes the half gallon hats still make me cringe and If I ever spot a cowboy wearing chaps and spurs I would cry. But, they are not THAT repulsive.
I have an irrational fear of bull sharks...always will, always have. I am afraid that they are swimming underneath my feet in pools waiting and lurking.
Its okay to secretly want to marry someone and not tell them...even if they already know.
You can never really rely on people.
Football Fields are my best friend.
DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT Let your roommates drive your car. ANYWHERE! Even if it is literally around the corner.
Its okay to act like a complete tard.
Try something new, you never know where it will lead.
Paint is only fun if you throw it at people
Do not blog about bad dates.
You never ever know what you will do in a small town...stealing 12 foot signs could be in your very near future.
I still try to avoid mirrors.
Its cool to have your best friend just in the next building from your apartment. You always have a friend just a hop skip and a jump away.
Late night runs for food are the best.
I sing as loud as I can when I am scared in the dark...Its the best solution. Try it.
IF I hear someone yelling my name at 3 o'clock in the a.m. It doesn't always mean that someone is dying. It just means that there is a strange sheet of white stuff covering the ground.
I am comfortable with my singing voice...and apparently so is a boy who wants to stick his tongue down my throat.
I want to have a family.
I cant wait to meet the man of my dreams...and I am sure he cannot wait to meet me either.
...maybe I already have ;)
Don't get sick unless you have a pretty awesome friend to help you out.
Giant slip n' slides are legit.
You don't always have to look your best to get noticed.
Your craziest roommates can end up being one of your best friends.
I hate people who talk behind my back.
I am glad that I have 5 best friends.
Sleep is over rated.
I LOVE MY PARENTS
I hate the name Skyeller. People who are named that make me want to punch babies. They don't even yell at the sky!
I hate making mistakes, but that is just a way of life.
Purple is my favorite color.
MEXICAN candy is bomb diggity.
I love jumping into lakes from high points. its invigorating...just like your mom.
My niece and nephew mean the world to me .
You have to sing in your underwear at least once in your life
T-swift sings about my life.
I am afraid to talk to boys that I ACTUALLY like. I end up looking like a daft cow in front of them... I don't know why. I have so many guys friends that I can sit and talk to for hours. But there is always a boy that I cannot seem to make words come out of my mouth whenever I am around him. UGH! MY LIFE!
Life is life so just deal.

Reblog of the sunmoondog

2009-07-27T21:27:00.000-07:00

When the sun sets, the moon rises, and when the moon sets, still the sun will rise. It is an on going cycle. No matter what happens in life or in the world, that concept will never change. It is a relief to know that no matter what happens, or what ever I may go through and see, I can wake up to the beauty of the sun, and walk underneath the light of the moon. Just having that gives me a sense of faith and trust in myself that is hard to explain.

The moon and the sun tell a parable of life... of no matter what happens, we must still go on. Even though the sun and the moon may have days were the clouds cover them and let them hide from the world. They are still there bringing enough light to lead us the way: They will never leave us behind. We just have to have faith and trust in ourselves to make the next step, and know that no matter what, we still have the moon and the sun to lead us to our next destination.

I dont want to fall another moment

2009-07-22T22:58:00.000-07:00

Gravity Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on
The ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

the songs on my playlist. it the very last one. You should listen to it!

Swimming is for frogs

2009-07-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

My niece and nephew always want to go swimming or go to the park and play baseball. I am not one to say no to these events, So everyday I too want to go swimming or go to the park and play baseball. Lately it is just a part of life, and I am okay with that. Its pretty legit.

Over the weekend I went to New Mexico, and had a pretty good time. I am glad that Suzie and I decided to go. It was good to see Dylan before he vamosed to Mexico. We rode with his brother Jordon which was a blast. That kid is pretty hilarious, I love riding in a car with a boy who can sing. There is never a dull moment when you have a beautiful voice to listen to in a 5 hour drive. FANTABULOUS! But anyways, We went to an aquarium and a botanical garden. That was very relaxing and beautiful. New Mexico is just so much cooler than hell on earth Phoenix. Here you couldn't walk through a garden with out being scorched. LAMENESS AND A HALF! Oh, and I am going to EA this semester...yay me.

"Where would we be If We couldn't Dream..."

2009-07-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

"And I know we get a little Crazy. And I know we Get a little loud. And I know we are never gonna fake It"

"...We Are wild, We are Free, We are more
than you think. So Calls us freaks, But THATS JUST THE WAY WE ROLE!"

oh how I love life.

2009-07-12T22:39:00.000-07:00

This is what summer consist of...

Family
Friends
Sun
Laughter
Water
Love
Life
Adventure

and It is a Beautiful thing.

run forrest...or just not.

2009-07-12T22:22:00.000-07:00

sometimes running is too much.

Summer magic...

2009-07-03T08:51:00.001-07:00

Summer Magic - On The Front Porch Lyrics
Three creaky wooden stairs

Those squeaky rocking chairs

The well worn welcome mat

The lattice vines

The happy times

All I want to do

When the day is through

Is linger here on the front porchWith you

From the wicker swing

While the night birds sing

We'll watch the fireflies sparkin'

Do some sparkin' too

How the hours fly

As the moon drifts by --

How sweet the air

As we stare

At the sight

Oh! How I love to linger here like this

Hold your hand, and steal a kiss

Or two

On the front porch with you

All I want to do

When the day is through

Is linger here on the front porch With you

From the wicker swing

While the night birds sing

We'll watch the fireflies sparkin'

Do some sparkin' too

(Some sparkin' too!)

How the hours fly

As the moon drifts by -

-How sweet the air

As we stare

At the sight

Oh! How I love to linger here like this

Hold your hand, and steal a kiss Or two

On the front porch with you

Yesterday I hung out with toddlers. It was so much fun lol. I made a complete mess of myself when we made cupcakes, but it was pretty legit I must say. Alyssa and I dressed up Barbies with Chloe, While Brittany stayed with sophie.

Then later that night Alyssa, Brittany,Rocky, Georgeanne, Ben, Gabe, Josh(and his friends), and I played Volleyball IT was so much fun. We played in the dark for one whole game it was INTENSE!

...Then later we ran through the sprinklers and got completely drenched. Rachel showed up just in time to join the fun.

....Oh summer magic.

Ryan Adams

2009-07-01T09:09:00.001-07:00

So basically I found this guy that is amazing! I love the way his voice is so hauntingly beautiful. And he is just so awkwardly charming and cute.

Bonjour! Alyssa est arrivé de page d'accueil de france

2009-06-29T09:56:00.000-07:00

So basically Alyssa Jesser arrived home from France yesterday night, and IT was fantabulous to see her. I was very much jealous of the oppurtunity she had to go out of the country and experience French Bread taste from France.

and the list goes on and on...

2009-06-22T21:57:00.001-07:00

I cannot believe that I am going to try to update you on my life.

Well, I Got Sick about two weeks before finals, missed my final for choir which was performing a 3 day concert. I was sick with pneumonia and B-rit came to my rescue with her powerful self. I am so thankful for that girl. I came home with a 3.16 G.P.A. , and started looking for a job...and still have yet to find one(well in the states). Went and saw TAYLOR SWIFT which was hella amazing.Hung out with my friends, and went down the river and came back with a sunburn that made me want to kill a poor selfless ant. hahaha I am so COOL! But on the good and lets make a choice news, I got offered a job in the U.K. as a nanny. I will be making 3,000 dollars a month, have my own car and room with a my own computer, and LIVE IN LONDON!!!!!!! I really want to do this and I think that I am. The only thing is that I am not going to be able to go to E.A.C.. I will miss it there that is for sure. I am sure that everything is going to be fine, and that I will grow up and experience new things that not many people have the opportunity to do. I am so down for this job, it is Ridicunkulous! I have a pretty good feeling that everything will be all right, that everything will work out in the end. I just know that I am going to have to rely on the Lord more than ever. The other day I got a very good and "brighten my day up" call from Dylan Detlor. He leaves on his mission soon, and he lost all of his numbers when He got rid of and turned off his phone. I was so happy to hear from him, I am going to miss that kid. He was basically the only one I got along with in the musical, he is truly a genuine guy, and I cannot wait to hear about all the adventures he will have in Chihuahua, Mexico! ARRIBA!!!! I am kind of really sad that I am not going ot see him for 2 whole years! Oh Dylan Why?! I know that you are doing the Lord's work, but...but....there are none! You are doing something AMAZING!

SEUSSICAL THE MUSICAL!

2009-04-16T09:15:00.001-07:00

This is a compilation of pictures from my adventures here at EAC in the last week or so. Many are of Seussical the musical, and then the other is a night of rambunctious girls going crazy. Seussical was one of the most fun experiences that I ave thus far. It was so cool getting to know a bunch of new people, and just doing what I love most and that is performing. After the closing night of Seussical, Cristal, Suzie, and I went and did some terrorizing of the town. It was so much fun. I hope you guys enjoy the pics.

ugh my life

2009-04-15T23:11:00.000-07:00

sometimes saying how you feel isnt the best solution. It only makes matters worse. Now I feel like crap, and I need to appoligize. It is just that sometimes you need to let it all out, but I sould know better. You are better off saying what is on your mind right then and there, telling what and how you exactly feel. If you hold it in too long, it only brings heartache for both parties. I am sorry that I am not that great of a "friend" in some eyes, but I need to be treated like a "friend" in return. You can see where this is going, and I am sorry.

Hate me all you want, but I am just a Human, we are all human. And sometimes being human we make mistakes, and sometimes making mistakes is being human.

vegetarian vampire

2009-03-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

lameness in a can

2009-03-17T23:31:00.000-07:00

I have no pictures, I have nothing to report, I have nothing at all.
Lets just say that my spring break was sort of a downer. Nothing that interesting nothing spectacular, just a lame old, "lets have no life" spring break! SUCKS!
I went to NAU for practically ALL of it and I wanted to cry, "THIS is what I am doing...
sitting on an effing computer every minute of the day...doing nothing ON SPRING BREAK!!
aye dios mio!?! ". but I did spend time wit Alyssa so that was a positive.
but spending time with my family was the best. I miss them so much and it was so fun hanging with my brother Jordan, Jacob, and Cody. An seeing Shawny whom I hardly see (lol) .
And most importantly seeing my mommy and Daddy who meaning everything to me.

I LOVE FAMILY.... Just not spring break....
No friends for me lol jk

what up dawg

2009-03-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

So basically I have sucked at being a blogger and on life at this point. I have been so busy(i know not an excuse), but I have realized that since I am on spring break I can get out of my rut and start blogging all over again.

For starters lets go back a few weeks...

I went to the Gila Valley Temple Ground Breaking. It was pretty legit, but extremely and excruciatingly cold. I wore boots, a sweater dress,a beanie, sweater stockings, all with a huge and warm jacket. I know, from the description it sounds like I looked a frump, but I was actually surprised at how a looked. I looked actually somewhat cute for the first time in my life. With the draw backs of not showering and not doing my hair, I looked presentable lol. But for all seriousness Iwas so glad that I could feel the spirit on that sacred ground and that I had the opportunity to be just a few short miles to see such a beautiful thing. and for the most part I am so grateful for the knowledge that the

church is slowly but surley full filling the prophecy that there will be enough churches that people would not have to worry how far they have to travel just to do the lords work and will.I think it was the weekend before that I had Alyssa down to visit me and B-rit. It was so much fun, we went to a BBQ with ash and josh and some other people. It was pretty awesome. and that was a good experience in itself. And then the most amazing thing ever is that ALYSSA is coming to thatch-town for school next semester and B-rit, ash, Alyssa, and me are ALL going to be ROOMMATES! can you say best year EVER?! fo sho fo sho!

I can not wait for next semester it is going to be s super-uper!

but those are a few things that happened in my lame and uneventful life...NOT! my life is so Fun. I cant wait to perform my musical that I have been

working so hard on and putting

in so much time and effort into. But i want to let you go, so Ican rest...so dream of the next experiences that I will have to report back with.

Peace love and a robot my friends until next time.

apple bottom jeans

2009-01-30T09:12:00.001-08:00

With college comes new friends, new acquaintances, and and new lifestyle. I have met so many new people in the 3 weeks that I have been attending E.A, it almost feels like this isn't even really my 1st semester. MOST of the people here are so fun to be around and very down to earth, that it makes it SO easy to find new friends. My "neighbor" came over on day and introduced herself to me and we just hit off so well . Now we do practically everything together. She is my sister Marci's age, but I feel like I can tell this girl everything.

As for B-ritt and me, well, we basically hit it off pretty well too. hahaha I am so glad that I have this girl living almost right across from me. I don't know what I would have done with out her these past weeks, and I am so grateful to call her my best friend(even if she goes into her dark place every once in a while). I am just blessed to have her right across the way so that we can go to do things together. And I am so uber happy that I am here so that I can protect her from her crazy with drawls from the 602. CRAZY!!!!!

But fer realz yo, Schools is so much fun and I am so glad that I decided to be active here. The musical is bomb diggity fer sure. Although most of the people make me want to shank myself in the foot, it is a fantabulous experience. So basically this is my life thus far, so have a nice life until you read my blog again.

-chop shop and a homo with a life of bliss

the time has come the walrus says

2009-01-21T09:06:00.000-08:00

I never thought that I would have so much fun in a town where little happens. I know that may sound so lame and stupid, but fer all seriousness it is totally true. I have made so may new friends in the short amount of time I have been here. I am ready to take chances and and grow this semester.
Paint wars have never been so much fun, and climbing the gym roof has never been so sneaky. My roommates didn't turn out to be so bad after all. We love to do things together and rarely go any place with out asking if the others wants to come along. I am so excited that I am letting go, and moving on to a new and amazing threshold.
So I auditioned for the musical here and actually got a part in a 20 person cast. I am a bird girl, who are like the doo wop group of the show...oh and p.s. it is seussical the musical if you all were wondering...the bird girls dress scandalously and all so my costume is going to be pretty sick if you ask me. I am unsure of the dates of the shows opening so I will have to inform you guys in another post later in. I am sorry that I have abandoned you and my blog for a long while, but it has been a very busy couple of weeks. I am trying to get involved here in this Town they call thatcher, so I am doing everything and anything here. I will try my hardest to keep you guys posted. I LOVE YOU!

unexplainable in incomprehensible blog...

2009-01-04T19:52:00.000-08:00

"when life hands you lemons, make beef stew". I heard this saying on Andy milonakis's show awhile back. At first it seemed a bit hilarious and stupid, but I have actually come to use this saying in my life.

I don't know what it is suppose to mean exactly, but my conclusion is that we need to not just see what we have, but actually come and use it for more than what we think it can make. Sure the original saying says,"when life hands you lemons make lemonade". But that resource is apparent and easy to understand. but with Andy's, we have to actually TRY to see what other thing you can actually do with what you are given. So when something is given to me, I try to see why that is. Not just to see what is in front of me but was is behind it.

kind of like the gospel. We have to see more than just words and sentences. We have to see what is behind those words and why They are there. we can't just read and say what is written down and what is right in front of us. We have to read and see what is more. Or like a poem, many people interpret poems in their own way. It is never the same way with every person that reads it(especially with Shakespeare). It is pinpointed to what are struggling through the most. Poems are there to help you with experiences, to help you come and see that they are there for a reason.

So when life hands you lemons make more then lemonade, make beef stew.

and so it goes

2009-01-04T09:57:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the day that I moved into my apartment for school. It is small but a good apartment. The room mates that lived here before are DISGUSTING! Food left with mold in the fridge, gross unwashed dishes in the sink, hair caked in the shower. BLAH! seriously? seriously! Just wash up after yourself. It takes at least 30minutes maximum. LAME butts. I met one of the newer ones yesterday. She is a 5th year college goer for a 2 year school. but she says it is because she always changes her degree. I told her that it is okay as long as you are getting an education. Which is basically true. I shouldn't judge because I had a semester break anyways. But as for the other roommates, if they don't clean after themselves. THEN LET IT BE WAR! hahaaha j/k...but seriously. I am not living in a laboratory for penicillin.

world

2008-12-30T23:32:00.000-08:00

when the world is filled with happiness, everything is better. You feel better, you look better, and you yourself are better. why can't the world be filled with happiness? why can't people just be better? questions fill my mind, searching and longing for this answer. But unfortunately, I believe that it will never be answered. Or my life long dream for the world to be filled with happiness will ever come to pass. Doubt fills my brain and my heart. millions of souls are loosing hope, and loosing faith. I want to be someone who brings them up from the water. I want to be there when they feel bliss and happiness. I want to be there when the world experiences happiness together in a moment of unity and strength. I will make a difference and help those in need. I will be better. And I wont have to question or fill my self with doubt ever again.

unicorns live.

2008-12-29T11:18:00.000-08:00

I want to be able to speak, not think, but SPEAK. speak what is currently on my mind. What I know and how I feel. But people take things too harshly and get offended by the dumbest things. People will never grow up, never learn to be an adult. They will always be drama and will always be too prideful in themselves. I just wish I understood why people would want to be in that state of mind ALL of the time. It is incomprehensible to me. Just live and be free.

Elmo's world

2008-12-19T00:58:00.000-08:00

"Take me for who I am, who I was meant to be"

one of my all time favorite quotes. It just can mean so much in such little length of words. This one tiny phrase tells me how to live my life and how to except others.

I know that I can read too far into things, and that I can be a bit strange, but I just want my friends to know that I love them and that I love being around them. You guys except me for my quirkiness and my oddness. I never want to loose touch with you guys. You 4 are awesome and teach me so many things...I think we teach other so many things.

I want to tell eachother about the cake we made or tasted without any judgment and regrets.

I love you! SO EFFING MUCH!

many colors

2008-12-15T00:43:00.000-08:00

I am a person of many colors, but sometimes those colors mesh together to try to blend in.

twilight before christmas

2008-12-11T09:23:00.000-08:00

hahah I found this earlier today. It is just to get people in the christmas mood.

The dancers

2008-12-05T11:06:00.000-08:00

This is a video I have been meaning to post on here. Justin is SO hillarious. Him and I are on first name basis right now. He and I have long chats on the phone about life struggles and how he likes to golf instead of sing now. But whatev, atleast I can watch im make a complete hillarious fool of himself everyday with this HILLARIOUS video.

Don't eat yellow snow

2008-12-04T10:07:00.000-08:00

I am EXCITED for the holiday that I love most to come! The season of joy of love of faith of comfort, GAH! It is just a great way to feel close to the family. hahaaa. Fer realz yo, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. I don't mean to sound cliche, but it truly is. Everyone just seems to be nicer to me, when they are not shopping for the "perfect" present. which that shouldn't really matter, all that should matter is that you are surrounded by the people that mean the most. But people have lost the real and true meaning of Christmas, they are so lost in the material things that they forgot the reasons why we celebrate this wonderful time. We celebrate it because the most influential human being was born into the world. The person the reason why we are here on this earth. He sacrificed everything for us to be here, but people loose sight of that fact, and don't care. But all I know, is that do.

rum and coke

2008-12-02T23:02:00.000-08:00

Friends are my vice. They are the people that I can rely on to make me happy, and to get me out of my "dark place". Over the weekend I got to have alone time with my 4 girls that mean the world to me.

Tay: beautiful, outgoing, wonderful, and a joy to be around.Brittany: gullible, amazing, genuine, and plain-old fantastic. Alyssa: kind-hearted, trusting, sarcastic, and all around gorgeous.

And Rachel: doggy-sounding, deep, down to earth, and never forgets who she is.

If pictures could talk this one would have a thousands word...

These girls make me proud of who I am. We don't party hardy and all the wild crazy stuff, but we do get high on love every time we are with each other. We know what we want and we know how to keep our priorities straight.

I'm a large marge, and can't fit into cars.

We celebrated Britt's birthday together. It was fun, and crazy cold/scary. Brittany and I were tragically bailed on by people(who will remain anonymous) when a dog nearly killed us! sad day, but the past is behind us and that is all that matters...even if they will burn in HADES!

At least Rachel showed to eat all of the brownies at the last hour :D.

buddy the elf

2008-12-01T00:51:00.000-08:00

As the time passes, I am left with only hope and faith for the future. I feel that I am here for something beyond my expectations. Not knowing exactly what is to come, but just knowing that something will. Something that will make me the person I was born and meant to be. I sit and feel that it will soon happen. I feel someone telling me that I am more than ordinary, I am Extraordinary. I am so happy for my faith in god and everything that he is worth. He is my anchor in the dark, the light of my life, my everything. He sent everyone of us down here for a reason. He has expectations for all of us to fulfill and to make a title of. I am not going to waste my life away just sitting and waiting. I am going to lavish my life by doing and making.

We are born to make a difference and rise above everyone else.

Life Life Life

2008-11-26T12:03:00.000-08:00

yesterday was the day of many adventures. Unfortunately I will have to take make a following post of what happened in the night. Anyways, I skateboarded to the parks with my cuz Justus which was basically Ridic..ulously amazing!! hahaha and then chillaxed outside fer surely. My brotha took a ride in his beanerific truck and made himself lean like a chollo around the block. My family is loaded with a bunch of characters that is fer sure. We never seem to care what others think about us. We just chill and act like a bunch of crazies! hahaaha I love hanging with my 13 yr old cousin Tristan He can make me laugh all of the time. We sit and quote movies together, and just Party hardy. hahaha

I'm So happy for the HOLIDAYS! I can Hangout and be myself with the people that mean the world to me!

soon, oh so soon

2008-11-24T12:30:00.000-08:00

So, what would you do if the world stopped spinning? Or if you only had few hours left in your life?

well I would stop and stare at Robert Pattinson aka MY LOVER!!!!!

This man, and all of his holiness, is the man of my dreams. He can act, sing, play piano, and remain sexy. The other night as I lay awake, he came to me in a vision of bliss. He told me that we will one day wed, and have beautiful perfect children and everyone will envy our pure god like lives.

KNOWING

2008-11-20T00:17:00.000-08:00

knowing who you are is an all time important thing to have on hand. I am so happy that I KNOW who I am. That I KNOW what I am meant to do. I just feel that sometimes others just don't KNOW who I am.

I am the person that wants to make a difference.
The person that is not afraid to speak her mind.
The one that will stick up for someone else.
The person that cries when someone makes fun of little kids...Brittany.
The person who dresses to impress? hahaha j/k
The girl who sticks out.
The one to make you laugh. or atleast try.
The one to hide in corners just to scare someone.
The one with a calling.
Someone with a purpose.

I KNOW who I am. Do you?

wish

2008-11-16T14:41:00.000-08:00

I love that I still believe that shooting stars have secret magical powers that can accomplish anything. Shooting stars are my anchor that help me see a light when times are hard: they are the antidote to my deepest and darkest fears. They help me remember that I have somebody watching over me and that I will never be alone. I have wished upon many a stars, and all consist of the same and hopeful wish that has yet to come true, but I know that someday it will. I can just feel it in my bones. It seems on my roughest days I will always see a star flutter across the sky, letting me know that it has not forgotten me and my request.

...I hope that in due time my wish will come true. But I have faith that it will all be okay, and I won't be afraid to move on.

BOYS!

2008-11-14T16:59:00.000-08:00

so basically I have nothing to report other than I am a lover of celebrities and their ability to make me sAlivate over them. UGH! I must say, I have a mental disability or something, because every 2.5 seconds I have a new lover that I want to pounce on and lick...yes LICK! but whatev, I am pretty sure that any girl my age acts the same way . Sometimes I get a little out of hand though. Like last year I had this EXTREMELY attractive teacher and I wrote him a note asking him if i could LICK him. It is basically ridic this disease that I have hahahahah. but I do love these boys!

Love

2008-11-11T13:24:00.000-08:00

Love is in every person. It is just natural to love someone.

I have recently come to the terms that all of us have and will once be "crazy in love". but when exactly will we all experience it?and how will it feel to be in such a state of mind? we all just have to wait for our time to truly understand and to fully get a grasp on such a sacred thing. sometimes, I get scared to picture me love lost and head over hills. But most of the time, I seriously cannot wait to meet the man of my dreams. To feel what they write down in books and what you see in movies. To have that guy that will do anything just to see you smile, and to have that ONE guy that you will do anything for in return. It will just be natural to love this one person, and get lost in the moment every time we kiss, and to never get tired of those butterflies that never cease when ever we touch.

... this is the love that i dream for, the love that is running through every inch of my bones.

thinking...

2008-11-07T08:59:00.000-08:00

There is always something in the way, always something getting through. Sometimes ignorance rings truth, but hope is not in what I know, its not in me...its all I know. I find peace in when I am confused and I find hope when I am let down. I hope to loose myself for good and I hope to find it in the end, not in me, but in you.

hope is what keeps us going on, but love is what keeps us alive.

This week(end)

2008-11-05T09:30:00.000-08:00

so basically I arrived back in Arizona for good. I am still going through the typical,"I hope it was the Right choice" phase. But I realize that it is a choice that will help me figure out what I want. I did have a fantabulous weekend and thus far in this week. I got my truck tires rotated, got a job, and then traded my truck for my sister ghetto-licious car haahaha. Anyways, marci and I partied hardy yesterday with the camera. lets just say, that when we were little, my mother dropped us on the head a couple...or a few times. hahaha well I don't have much to say other than whatev with Halloween, and the day after. they were pretty much the lamest of all days. although I did hang out with jota, Courtney, Chelsea, and Gabbi for a while. we watched grease and it was bomb diggity fer surely.

last night I had a hella long conversation with my good friend aslan. We saw changeling together. That movie was so amazing! UGH! i couldn't believe what the cops did just to protect their status under wraps. I also convoed with Alyssa an BRITTANY! I miss them alot. I wish they would of saw me this weekend. They BOTH were here for a long while, well Brittany was. But they are lame faces fer sure! well that is basically it.

I want to thanks my grandma and grandpa for putting up with me though. They helped so much with my stay in Utah and I love them so much. I don't know what I would do with out them.

cuppy cake!

2008-10-31T18:13:00.000-07:00

this basically mader my LIFE!

ugh...

2008-10-28T18:27:00.001-07:00

I am so mad right now...

2008-10-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

Today is another frump day. I feel like I have gained a million bazillion pounds! Ugh! I hate this feeling. The thing is, although I feel this way, I can still fit into all of my clothes? what is the matter with me?!

Anyways. Today is my last day here in utah, well sort of I am leaving tomorrow at night. But I like to tell myself that TODAY is my last day here. lol

Well, life is life. Although we sometimes wish that our life tasted like the cereal, we know that we can never expect the outcomes that we long for.

seriouslyl, why did I have to use a food analogy to describe life?! Alyssa I curse you for putting this Horrible spell on me. WHAT did I ever do to you... Besides making you cry in kindergarten and second grade. We both know that you were a little bit of a WIMP! hahaaha

I like to make your day so here is a WONDERFUL video that you will love. It is about a boy who will do anything to get what he wants in life...

CLEDENCE! I am going to get my hairs DID.

2008-10-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

My hair is going through a major awkward stage right now. It is getting to the point where I want to take a shank to it. It is at the stage of its life where it is in between getting long and is still short... or how I like to call it, puberty. It is trying to figure out what it wants in life, if it should be curly or straight. You see, the hairs is a very curious thing. It likes to be straight but sometimes it gets confused and realizes it likes curly things. And then it realizes curly hair is shunned by society. They are even having a proposition against it...hahahaha J/K you know where I was going with this.
but fer seriousness, My hair looks like this. and yes thats ME teaching math. I have let my self go that is fer sure.

WHY YOU LEAVE ME?

2008-10-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

You know how words just fly out from random thoughts ? Well that is how it is everyday of MY life

Today at work, I just sat there with a pen in my hand and let my disease do the talking.

You think you know my every flaw, my every thought, and my every withdrawl.

but the truth of the matter is that you don't know me at all.

Sure, you have seen me on some of my worst and weakest of days,

but you know not why I felt that way.

You lied, you cheated, you stole.

And you thought it was all no big deal.

You are blinded by your addictions, and you believe there are no subsitutions.

But I have news for you that you need to take in consideration.

I know that it is going to be hard,

but I have faith that you will go the distance.

Shut out your doubts and take one giant leap.

Don't focus too much on your faults,

know that you are worth more.

Don't worry and you will go far.

It hurts me to see you go away from your true self.

And that is why I boxed myself away so I couldn't reveal.

Torment and a deceit that you so much filled,

only made me want to leave with water to be spilled.

You flooded my thoughts with pain and sorrows,

So I only wish that in due time, it will all be swallowed.

I love you so much and that is why I didn't leave.

You needed my help so I couldn't deceive.

Please try to get better that is all I ask...

Pretty soon this will all be in the past.

Get well soon and I know we will both be under the moon.

I love you.

And that is all you truly need to know.

I have no idea where this all came from so please don't come to any unrational conclusions

Won't you be the one?

2008-10-23T20:50:00.001-07:00

I have a serious disease...

I have a problem that concerns me and SHOPPING!

I need the doctor to look at my heart and my head to see if this "disease" can be fatal.

I don't want to die, I mean I am only 19.

I have SO much to live for.

Flying kites. Smelling roses. Looking at my beautiful self in the mirror.

I HAVE SO MUCH TO GIVE!

AYE DIOS MIO! PORQUE? PORQUE YO!?!

shoot me in the foot and write my name with my heart!

hahaha j/k... I am just sort of a loser

Still the sun sets.

2008-10-22T21:08:00.000-07:00

what the EF david blaine?!

2008-10-21T13:25:00.000-07:00

to sum up who i am, i have a few details that not many people know.

I am terrified of the dark. I am afraid that if I step to close to the edge of the darkest corner, a monster will bite my foot off.

I hate the smell of cough syrup. Just the image of me sniffing the lid or the top of the container makes me gag.

I love the colors of autumn. They make me feel beautiful.

I HATE the way cowboys dress. Not the sexy cowboys with their shirts off and their perfectly built bods. But the ones with their striped long sleeved button up shirts and their spurs and their ugly half gallon hats. They literally make me cringe and hide in corners. GAH!

I love it wen the guy in films looks into the girls eyes and can see her entire self.

I get embarrased for charcters in movies. I will blush for them, and I will skip forward so I don't have to watch them make a COMPLETE tard of themselves.

I talk to my self in the mirror. I am my own best friend.

I dream of meeting the jonas brothers and having them fight over me.

I want to be on broadway.

Sometimes I wish that it was easier for me to say "hi" to the sexiest men of all time. But I can't. I just write notes telling them that I want to lick them.

I write my own music.

I tell my self that one day I will be considered beautiful by someone. Just not right now.

Ocassionally I am afraid of looking in the mirror.

I hum to myself when I get scared, angry, dissapointed, or heartbroken. My voice is my comfort.

I am afraid of dying alone. But lets face it. that will never happen.

I am my own worse enemy.

I have great family and friends. and I love them all very MUCHO!

I hate it when people use their race, their status, and their weakness as an excuse.

Sometimes I judge to quickly... who doesn't.

I LOVE music and everything that comes with it.

I want to join the peace corps and make a difference. or just make a difference with what I have and who I am.

I love chuck norris and that he as the ability to slam revolving doors.

These are just a few things about me that I wanted to share with you. I am who I am, and you are who you are.

the end

2008-10-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

These scenes are one of my favorites in the entire world. Even though they are actors, I can feel every passion and every peice of love that they had for eachother.

Theres a party in my tummy...

2008-10-17T16:44:00.000-07:00

So yummy, so yummy.

Basically I love Grapes! They are seriously like jesus doing the macarana on my taste buds FER SURELY! I know that it may seem kind of ridic, but you don't know the flavor of home grown grapes. They are the angels of the vines. lol This is basically the most useless blog ever. But I seriously just had to tell every one about this heaven that I found.

Anyways, in a week I should be coming home (well actually a week and 2 days). My friends in utah are majorly depressed, but whatev. You can't please everyone.

Tonight, Alyssa, Brittany, Taylor, and Rachel all will be rockin' it without me. :[ :[ BOOO!

I Love you guys!!!!!!

GREY'S ANATOMY!

2008-10-16T15:08:00.000-07:00

Woop Woop fer sure!

Basically tonight is my favorite night eva! It is a night filled fantastic meanings of life.

It is the night of grey's anatomy and UGLY BETTY! ugh!basically I love thursdays.

TODAY work was LAME as usaul, but whatev. I seriously wanted to shank customers. Some people just grew up with no manners at all! I think people still believe we live in the stone age where all you had to do was bop people in the head to get what you wanted. But I have news for those LOSERS... WE DON'T live in the EFFING stone age anymore. WE LIVE IN america! DUH!

P.s. this is a quote for you to think about. " underneath the clothes is a man, and underneath the man is his nucleus" -nacho libre

rushing waters

2008-10-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

Today was basically a BOMB day. I went out and explored.

My grandparents and I drove up to Heber, Utah and looked at my relatives headstones.

I saw my Great great great great grandmothers. She was originally from sweden and treked clear across the country. She left her house, her family, and every thing she owned behind just for her faith. That, to me, is one of the most powerful things that I have ever heard. She sacrificed everything.

I don't know how she did it. I don't think many people today would ever do such a thing, leave everything behind. It would take a strong heart to do anything like that. But imagine the world if every being had that great amount of faith and courage to conquer anything. Cross clear from New York to Utah with only a hand cart to carry your food, and have only yourself and your daughter to push along through your darkest of fears... The world would be filled with heroes.

I love learning about people from the past. They had it so much harder than us. They sacrificed so many things just to protect their families, just to put food on their table, and just for their faith. Yet, today people don't do anything of the sort. Many people rely on the goverment to take care of them. They don't try, They have no ambition. And that makes me sad.

the ones that sacrificed are the ones that built our country. They are the foundation of the world. I just wish people would come and realize that. But, the world is filled with hate and deceit. I only hope that there will be more changes so that my kids won't have to grow in such a state of mind. I guess we will have to see. See what is to come, and only hope for a better tomorrow.

... P.s. this totally doesn't stick on the same topic but whatev.

here is a better thing to end the day with. and something that is more on my terms of personality...

meow mix meow mix please deliver.

2008-10-13T13:33:00.000-07:00

when I was little I would dream of becoming saved and have the prince of my dreams take me out into the sunset and live happily ever after. But quite frankly I am beginning to think that that will never happen to me.

I am not saying that I want to get married or anything (yet), but what I am trying to say is that I need to give people a chance. My Biznatchness needs to simmer down, and I need to take a leap into the world of dating and finding a match... Oh Em Gee! haaa hahah I sound like a complete tard face!

idk, I have so many things planned out in my life. I want to experience all those, but I also need to just realize that all of us need to grow up and come to the realization that we all have those certain people that are by our sides through thick and thin, and will never ever leave us. And usually those are the boys that get us through that.

UGH! I thought I knew who I was. I thougt that I knew EXACTLY what I wanted in life. I thought that I had every step, every move, and every mistake planned out on the map. I was wrong. I don't know every step, every move, or every mistake. I just have to live life not knowing what will happen, not knowing what to do next.

I think that doing so really shows who you are. It shows that you have faith in your self. That you are not afraid of living your own story. I think that once you come to those terms, you really learn to show your true character, and that is beautiful.

SNOW!

2008-10-12T14:10:00.001-07:00

This morning at like 12:30, I called up alyssa and made her talk to me while I drove home. It was basically RIDIC! snow was bluring my vision, and I almost died...a little over reaction lol.

but seriously! I love the snow. it may seem strange, but I believe the snow makes you feel warmer. I don't know, it is hard to explain. just the image of people cozing up to a fire, and sipping hot cocoa just makes me feel warm.

I can't wait to go home and party hardy with my friends. I only fear what people may think or say about my choice. I just know that I am making the right one. My dad and mom have already done enough for me, and I don't want them to have to pay an arm and a leg to get me through college. I know in my heart and in my mind that this is the correct way for me to go. I just hope and pray that others will see it the same way that I do. And if they don't, then whatev david blaine.

Anyways, I watched 27 dresses, and let me tell you, I love the corky and the cliche-ness of it.

JAMES MARSDEN is one major lickable man. I seriously just want him so I can taste him on top of my ice cream lol hahahaha! if you haven't seen, then do it! you wont regret it. let me just leave you with this last image of why you SHOULD see it.

Mmmmm GOOD! hahahaha

basically...

2008-10-10T12:55:00.001-07:00

This is my first blog EVA! I don't even really know why I am even making one. well maybe it is because I am a major FOLLOWER! lol just kidding. But fer surely I think that it was because of britt and alyssa. they have one and I decided that inorder for me to be cooler than them i have to get one, because everyone knows I am a VAMP!

ahahahaa! but I really really miss them! they are my best friends, and I don't know what I would do with out them. they are the sickest chicks ever. I seriously don't think anyont should go this long without seeing your friends for so effing long. I feel as if ricky bobby tore out my heart and made tom cruise put some VOODOO power on it. oh well, we all have to grow old.

but the good news, is that I am coming home to AZ to go to thatcher with Brittany! woop woop fer sure! it should be pretty bomb I guess. hopefully I will get to meet the sweetest bomb diggity BANANA boy. hahaha sorry alyssa.

the other night I hung out with my cousin Mycol, and we dressed up as prostitutes. but before you go all judgmental on us, we did it because we are better than you will ever be.lol it was pretty amazing.