How fickle my heart

Lately everything is so different, so surreal. Finally I am reaching this beautifully happy state of being. Finally I am glad that I chose to move. finally I am over that horrible place in my heart that I so ignorantly thought that I couldn't live without. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I woke up oneday and decided to live, I decided to forget, I decided to push forward. I rose up from the ashes and started again with a fresh look with brand new eyes. So many new and amazing people entered my life and turned it completely upside, or right side up. Either way, I am in a place of bliss, a mind of happiness, a home perfection. I am in state of undying love.

We stand, heartache to heartache.

It is that want and that dire need that sperates everything. For instance, I want to be with you, but no I don't need you. I want to feel you,but know that I dont need to. Why must everything have to be seperated between reasoning. I hate it. I hate that the person I want doesn't need me, and that I don't need him. Although I long to be near his presence, do I really need to have him near? Why is it, that the people that hurt us the most always leave us with these deep unresolved desires? Why is it that they are like a ghost that haunts our dreams? One day this want will turn into nothing and this feeling of dire need will turn into just a ridiculous regret. But as of now this want eats at me constantly and feels like that if I don't have it,even for just a little while, everything around me is caving in.

my first kiss went a little like this...

Life is weird, life is crazy, life is strange, life is chaotic, but life will always be beautiful. Without our lives, how would we ever meet the ones that make us realize our strengths or our weaknesses? How would we find the people that help us find our voices, help us find our purpose? We wouldn't, it is plain and simple as that. Every single person that has come in to my life has had some sort of influence on me. whether it be bad, good, stupid, or perfect, their lives have influenced me to the person that I am. Thomas S. Monson once said, "We cannot escape the influence our lives have upon the lives of others". I am glad that every person in my life, or out of my life, have had the influence that they brought to me. they are the ones that are molding me to my true form, They are the people that are going to be in my life book of my life story. They are the foundation of my being. They are in so many ways apart of who I am.

Thank you, Thank you for being a part of my wild, bizarre, astonishing, BEAUTIFUL, Life.